And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
