My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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