I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
