just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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