it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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