Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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