i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
