i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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