Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
