He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
