Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my liver is dry heaving
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
