ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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