My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
