Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
