My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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