There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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