There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
