do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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