yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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