i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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