Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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