Sponge bath it is.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
