dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
