I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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