AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
