I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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