So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
