the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
