I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
two words: eviction party
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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