4 words: hood of his car
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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