Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So. Much. Porn.
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