Im at strip club and am horny
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
