remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
