Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
