The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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