they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
