I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
