I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
