Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
