dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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