i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
