so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Randomize
