I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I intend to get homeless drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
its liver damage thursday
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
