PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
