well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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