Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
