i permit you to call me
so that wasnt chicken after all
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
