at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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