The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
