she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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