If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
