Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
