her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
