On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
